Katie

I loathe school and I want to go back home and sleep in my own bed and not think about anything substantial. I don't think I will even be able to catch up with myself. I will be a disaster in these weeks before finals. And let's not forget that I am way too preoccupied to even acknowledge the holiday season.

Saw quite a few people this weekend, much to my surprise. Schmammer on Thursday night, miss my backyard twin. Friday night went out with Ana, Huff, Zim, and the twins. Good times, I really forgot how much I missed the girls. I feel like our entire neighborhood has all gone their separate ways, I think I'm the only one that still really goes back. I miss the stupid cowtown parties, kegs in the woods, smoking in random basements, the endless "jam sessions". Things are oh-so different here.

I am having major money anxiety, mostly thanks to my parents. I want to go to Europe so badly and part of me refuses to give up that plan since it's really giving me something to look forward to these days. But I think they've pretty much scared me out of it.

I can't even WRITE like a human being anymore. I used to be so intelligent and interesting and eloquent and now I just sound like a big doof all the time. I don't even know why I bother with this journal because I can't even get thoughts out in a decent manner. Is it possible to have such a jumbled head that you have year-long writer's block? Or did I really just get stupider.

I always said that I thought the only way to completely get over you was to have something else in my life to make me realize how useless you are. I just never in a million years expected it would come in this form. I still have miles and miles to go, maybe even more than I think. But thank you.

Speaking of thanking, I don't even have to go into the list of what I'm thankful for because that would just be cheesy. But my eyes were opened to how lucky I am in these past few days and I wish for myself to stop complaining and be more grateful. God has blessed me and has protected me for some reason through a lot of shit I've gotten myself into. I don't think about that often enough.

I am praying for my best friend in the world and for her family. She is very strong.

Gonna get started on piles of work. HA.



And I'm balancing the salt
Weighing out my choices
It's nobodys fault
And I'm torn up by these voices
Talking to me

The world's fucked up the ass either way.

I'm off to stage combat where I will sit out yet again because I'm still wheezing. I'm starting to feel like a baby but seriously now. I need to go home and see my own doctor.

Not much new. I have a 13 pg paper that I'm gonna have to ask for an extension on. I have never done that in my life. I just want one extra day though. Damn illnesses I never seem to get a break.

What else. I am so nervous about November because I'm like quadruple booked and I don't know what I'm gonna do. Ahh stress. I have two music productions, a gig at church, tech assignment, my directing scene, plus school and work, and an audition at the end of the month. I will be so amazing if I can pull it off.

I am not even going to write about the craziness of the ex-boyfriends as of late except that I hate them all and want every male in my life to leave me the hell alone. Starting now. So sick of it.

I didn't do anything on Halloween because I am a huge loser, I wanted to go to the city but I didn't have my Lucy costume and I was too stubborn to get anything else. Plus I just didn't feel up to going to the city so I looked for something to do around here but that was basically the only thing I was invited to. I wanted to be with my family though this weekend so I hung out with them for a bit which made me smile. They had flowers for grandma in church and we talked about her which I needed. Everyone still thinks I should go to the cemetary, I suppose I could still let Pat take me even though the date has passed, but I dunno. Anyway family was very very good.

The only thing getting me through these next couple days is the fact that I'm gonna escape from here and Ledyard it up to recharge my batteries this weekend. Otherwise I am bound to shoot myself before Thanksgiving. AND the weekend after my rockstar Bre is coming to celebrate her 21st. I am planning lots of festivities and I can't wait. I miss that crazy mofo.

And OH YEAH it's election day. I am a political atheist and am starting to be vocal about the fact that I DON'T CARE so PLEASE attack me for that. I implore you.

I have a headache and it's time for stupid class. Bye.

www.cynicalparrot.com

You haven't missed much, life is as usual. Where shall I begin. So Friday night I was in that concert with the orchestra. I got to sing scary Greek contemporary classical music in the minimalistic style, a modern style which is characterized by repetitive patterns, overlapping voices, subdivided rhythms, and constant dissonance. Horrendous. And nearly a week later I'm still humming the nightmare. So anyways, I became ill AGAIN the weekend before that and by the time Friday rolled around I had no voice and a horrible cough. During the performance I had a coughing fit and couldn't even lip synch because if I opened my mouth I would choke... it was that kind of cough. So instead I stood staring at Christopher with my mouth tightly shut and tears streaming down my cheeks. I was a sight for sore eyes. Christopher didn't notice though, he got so excited his baton flew right out of his hands during the first movement.

Saturday I ended up in emergency medical care because I couldn't breath. I got lots of drugs though which was happy. I didn't do any work all weekend. And I had a lot.

Monday I somehow got through classes and had a fake rehearsal for my directing scene. I'm sooo excited about it but one of my actors is suddenly MIA. I'm already really behind.

Tuesday I only had one class and planned to write my thirteen page paper, instead I wasted space for the entire afternoon. Asshole. Then I went to Chamber Ensemble where Christopher yelled at us for not knowing our music. He's also really impatient with them because they can never retain the German pronunciations and basically relies on me to drill it into their little brains. I escaped early because I didn't want to rehearse the stupid French piece with the instruments. I then met with Michael about Revue where I proceeded to lose my voice AGAIN within ten minutes. It was crazy... I started out with a voice and then had none.

Today I had stupid Brian Rose midterm. He reluctantly gave me a ding. He then proceeded to tell me that I was depressing and essentially lifeless inside. Some of the metaphors he has used in reference to me lately include: "You are like a car without tires; there's just no use for you." "You need to use big Crayola crayons, not the little ones because they break too quickly and it takes forever to fill in the picture." And of course the all-time favorite: "You are like a jack-o-lantern without a candle... you've done some nice carving but there's just no light inside." He has also given me such pieces of advice including: "As a woman, you need to learn to use your body as a sexual tool." and the ever popular "You need to change your bulb from 40 to 250 watts." And so on.

I had my three hour history class where I was nodding off and apparently wrote some very strange notations which I do not recall writing. I had a voice lesson where I lost my voice once again. Then I cancelled my rehearsal, came back with the intention of writing my paper since tomorrow morning is my last chance to discuss it with my professor, instead went on a huge anti-weight watchers eating binge and then vomited, watched baseball and wandered around aimlessly looking for the moon because it was a lunar eclipse (I couldn't find it), and now I'm kinda mad at myself because I should have written that paper and gone to bed an hour ago. What are ya gonna do.

Sorry. My life just isn't that exciting.

Game time 5 hours and counting, bitches.

I don't wanna talk about it.

I'm so confused. You wouldn't think it would be so hard to figure out what it is you want, but I'm just not one of those people I guess. Trust your heart, everyone says. Why isn't it that simple?

I still love you. Actually, I love you both in very different ways. I'm still figuring this all out.

Fabulous.

...PMS is wanting to cry when you are given your costume because it is a form-fitting, sleeveless, and extremely low-cut top... and you are a sweatpants and t-shirt kinda girl. Not to mention very body-conscious. Not to mention fat.

PMS is ignoring Weight Watchers and eating nothing but hershey kisses for two days in a row.

Wish me broken legs, everyone.

Been a pretty good week but I don't really want to go into the reasons why because they are probably stupid. But it's certainly nice that a bad day can finally be just that... a bad day. It feels good to work again. It feels good to be busy and not have time to think about things. I'm resisting the urges to feel stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, blah blah blah about how overloaded I am. Right now it just feels like healthy busy and I have lots to look forward to. My family makes me a little sad though.

I have an interesting prospect on the horizon... I do believe that things may be progressing quite nicely. Except I'm too busy to give it much thought but perhaps that's a good thing. I definitely don't think about you all of the time. ...Interesting.

Wish me luck. I'm scared to suck in this show. I don't want to disappoint myself.

Broadway on Broadway was cool as always... the tradition holds strong! It just hit me that this is only my third time and there's only one more to go (as part of the AU troop, that is). Weirdness. PS. gonna miss my seniors

I am soo lucky to have one friend who loves me. I can't thank you enough. I hope you someday realize how much it means to me.

Rejection blows. No matter what shape or size it comes in.

Trying, often successfully, to look forward to the happy days ahead. I still stand by the notion that sooner or later, something's gotta give.

fuck it

I'm afraid to say that I think the slump might be over... I don't want to jinx myself.

I know now (and have only learned recently) that the fact that it's all underlying... all bubbling at the surface... all buried underneath layers and layers of both good and bad... means I have to be even more careful with my back and forths, ins and outs, ups and downs. It doesn't mean it completely goes away... it doesn't mean I'm in the clear. If anything it gives me an opportunity to be more cognizant of it all.

Anyways.

I suddenly find myself with same naive and seemingly stupid happiness I had as a freshman. The same mentality of living in New York, studying acting, being on my own. I would hope that the things I've been through these past eighteen months have helped me grow and learn and now I am beginning to pick myself back up and prepare to move forward again. I don't know. The only thing that scares me is how quickly things can change. So recently I felt as though nothing good had happened to me in so long, and that I had absolutely nothing to look forward to. I suddenly am experiencing feelings that are entirely contrary... and the extremity of that change makes me hesitant. But I am choosing to have full confidence that this all is exactly what I need to start over and fix what needs fixing as it rears its ugly proverbial head. I don't think it's going to be as easy as I think or last as long as I want, but I'm gonna try. I'm certainly off to a good start. I feel like (but am still trying to convince myself) I have very many things to look forward to. Although presenting this to you, my ambiguous live-journal audience, makes me feel rather vulnerable. Oh well.

More later.

Adelphi should be called land of crackheads.

Ya know... for all the people who have accused me of pessimism over the years, I sure am a cockeyed optimist. Did I really think something was going to magically change? Because, and I swear I'm not just saying this, it only gets worse.

It is nearly 9 pm and I have been here since 10 am. No one has contacted me as of yet. Despite the fact that I am neither a math major nor a forensic science major, I am in fact the daughter of a detective: so I reckon it is safe to state that I have been here 11 hours with no human interaction, thereby concluding... that I have no friends.

Fascinating.

Hahahaha I just put these gel things all over my room. Nevermind the piles of clothes and boxes strewn about. Go straight for the fun stuff.

Breanna and Gabel, get your sorry asses back here. I need my buddies. :( Gonna miss you.


(oh and in case any of you were on pins and needles waiting to find out... this is indeed a Lucy-Friendly environment.)

That's a wrap!

OUT----

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Silver Lake was beautiful this year. I don't think I've ever been so sad to leave.

I find myself dreading returning to work tomorrow, and much more than that, returning to NY in just a few short weeks. However, I am becoming increasingly optimistic. I don't really have a choice. I cannot change the uncertainty which surrounds my living situation, my health, my major, and my love life. I want to trust that all this will fall into place. I will go with the flow, and I will even let a few things hanging up in the air for awhile. It's truly all I can do at this point. I can't lie though... I'm still very very afraid.

I miss my friends. I'm so glad I still talk to most of my close friends, but it kills me to watch other relationships slipping through my fingers. I'm sorry to any people I've somehow offended lately. There are certain people that I cannot stand to have angry at me. Just know that all I would ever ask of you is your support. I'm not asking for any answers.

Something's gotta change, that much is for sure. It's hard for me not to anticipate it all before it happens. For once in my life I'm just gonna have to get there and then take it one day at a time.

I don't like how I've worked my ass off all summer and I still can't afford to buy a car. I don't mind being so independent but I find myself selfishly wishing that my parents would be willing to help me financially in some cases. It should be interesting trying to be happy and functioning without my own transportation on Long Island. Somehow it will happen.

Who or what do I blame for losing all of my motivation? It scares me that I have essentially no interest in performing anymore. I don't even think music excites me now. When on earth did that change, and what exactly does it mean. Rachel Brown, your comment made me think. Although I think my situation is different... still it makes me wonder if I can blame a place for all that. Probably not in my case... anyways I'm tired of thinking about it.

I need to take some time off work. I wish I had taken more time for myself after such an emotionally trying semester. Wasn't much of a break this summer. I have things to get done followed by things to enjoy before I plunge back into it all.

It was good to see Bre in NH last week, I just wish I could see other people. I talked to Liz tonight and she was saying how much she longed to be around a group of people again. I agreed with her... I'm super-lonely these days.
I need to go to New York like I said I would!! Or have someone visit me. Damn not having any friends.

Randomly went and saw an random movie with random people last night. That Whoosie and Floosie go to White Castle one, whatever it's called. Alynn made me go to protect her from Dave and his random crackhead friend. It was an interesting night. No one really liked the movie. I laughed a whole lot though, but the rest of them didn't, which made me feel intellectually inferior. I got over it though.

I need to clean my fucking room before I go out of my mind. I will seriously feel so much better if I do. But I am far too overwhelmed.

Oh, one more thing. Tuesday, which is my regular day in the Tavern at Mystic Seaport, the Food Channel came to film some thing. But since that was my ONLY DAY OFF ALL SUMMER, one of the Polish kids was covering me. IN MY TAVERN!!! Me and Mary Pat run that thing, no one else!!!! And do I, a budding actress, get to be featured on television in my adorable colonial costume???? OF COURSE NOT!!! WHY WOULD ANYTHING GOOD HAPPEN TO ME THIS YEAR??!??!?!?

I'm buying a lottery ticket tomorrow, I'm feelin' lucky.

Goodnight.

I seriously can't even remember the last time I touched this thing. That's for several reasons, I suppose. First of all it's a school thing, and it kind of became this miserable pathetic psycho ongoing rant (which is more of the Adelphi side of me anyways), which then caused me to despise it, which is the main reason why I've ignored it. I wanted to delete all the entries and shut the whole thing down but why bother. I'll just try to behave myself from now on.

I'm not going to talk much about summer. I work a lot. And I mean a lot. 2 or 3 jobs the entire summer. Probably too much but that's just my personality; it's almost like I'm getting back at myself for not doing something more worthwhile this summer. Like if I couldn't get my shit together and do a program or a show or be qualified enough to do an internship, I was sure as fuck gonna make the most of sitting on my ass in Ledyard. And I admit I'm overtired and a little on the stressed side, but I'm making a reasonable amount of money which is a major plus. I'm kinda proud of myself for getting hired as a manager, and I think I'm doing a pretty good job. I'm getting better at it all the time and I think I'm learning a lot about business. My boss likes me and not all of the other supervisors are too capable, and he's passed a lot of random responsibility to me, which is both good and bad (like I always say, competence kills). But he's taken the time to teach me things that go kind of beyond my current position. It's made me think, too... It hasn't been too long since I've begun to regard myself as intelligent, and now I'm starting to believe that I could possibly be a pretty successful person if I were to go into law or business. Probably not though. I mean I've spent way too much time convinced I was stupid to change my mind now, right?

I still want to act but of course I have all these various excuses, reservations, doubts, etc. It's a confusing subject for me right now. I really wanted to stay in New York, or get an internship, or do a Europe program, or at least do a show. It didn't work out like that at all... and I am so resentful of myself. Makes me start to wonder if it's a sign. Maybe everything happens for a reason. I'm confused.

The family is 'loony as ever'. Doing nothing but working while I'm here is not much of a summer, but more than that I'm lonely. I've put much more of an effort lately to reconnect with old friends at least while I'm here, but it kind of backfired. I think it's so strange that I graduated high school and arrived in New York with so much hate in my heart, and now two years later I am so vulnerable and easily hurt. I mean I'm still a hardened bitch and I'm still all kinds of bitter. But I've opened up so much. Sometimes I hate it. I'm not used to hurting. But most of the time I know it was worth it. It's just bizarre to think of the extent of the changes I have endured in such a short time.

I miss the Spankettes horrendously. It's bad enough that Adelphi sucks (and I can't lie, it has gotten worse and worse for me as time has gone on), but I feel like this semester I won't even have my girls. Breanna has left us and I'm gonna miss that girl so much. That reminds me I think I always meant to write an entry about her goodbye party, I'll go back and do that sometime. Rae will be in London for an entire semester, which is a short time, but way too long for me to go without a Post session with my girl! And I am going to be very sad without my former roomie around. Elizabeth and I will have to hold down the fort on campus in honor of the rest of you. :) Other than that though I am terrified of sitting by myself in my room being miserable. I am so nervous about going back there, I've said a million times I hate it here but I would gladly stay and never go back to New York. I mean that. I didn't think it would come to this. My head is so much clearer since summer began, but if I find my way back to the emotional state I was in last semester I don't know if I can handle it. I am still at a loss as to what to do about my academic future, there are so many things to consider; but more than that I am completely incapable of making a decision. I wish there were a way to turn my brain off temporarily and then maybe I could find what I truly want. I think I'm too concerned with making the "right" choice. Knowing how ridiculous that is doesn't give me any more control over it.

When I talk to some of my younger friends who are getting ready to go off to school, I am so envious of them. That is such an a scary and exciting time, when everything is new and it's all just beginning. I'd kill to be there again as hard as it was. I look at pictures of myself from beginning of freshman year, and there's something different about my face, if that makes any sense. I just look so happy. Seriously, I can't remember a time in my life when I was happier. Despite all the adjustments and all the drama... it was incredible. I get tears in my eyes thinking about it because before that I thought I would never be happy... and I remember the amazing feeling of discovering that I was relax and contented, something I hadn't ever completely experienced before. It was like the minute I stepped out of my house a ton of bricks was lifted. I was off to New York to follow some dream that everyone back home said was hopeless. I felt wonderful. What the fuck happened.

That's why I crave starting over. I spend most of my life fearing change, yet I crave a new beginning. I don't think that's the right solution though.

All I know is that I'm getting nervous. Maybe it will be ok this year though. It will help a lot if I'm in better health but that hasn't looked too promising lately. I'm not even excited about acting. I think some involuntary part of me has truly given up on that. I don't want it to be that way. And the same with every summer, I am so angry at myself for wasting it. I accomplished absolutely nothing. I didn't do any of the things I wanted to do. For example I have not lost a single pound. Same old song every summer. Stupid. I get so frustrated with myself, I meet no goals that I set. I don't really even know what's wrong with me.

Scott fell off the face of the earth. I know it's better for me that he isn't around. But I miss him.

I'm going to Silver Lake this week!!!! I cannot wait. This is my only vacation all summer, my only break. It is almost August and I have yet to read, sun, swim, or do anything I am supposed to in the summer. I am soooo looking forward to it. You know what else, I have not bought a single article of summer clothing all season. It's because I work all the time. Also because I have low-self esteem. It's too sad. But New Hampshire time is always happy. Wish Grandma were going to be there, I miss her lately. Maybe I'll let Pat take me to the cemetary this semester.

I'm sorry I'm a pain in the ass, I wish it were more simple, but certain things really scare me. I'm just on a different wavelength than you right now. I just have to be comfortable. I really want to fix this. I know my objective is different than yours.

On another note... I'm sick of wearing sweaters in the summer.

This afternoon while I was sitting (as member of the Platform Party, mind you) at the Doctorate Commencement Ceremony I kind of zoned out at one point (what else is new) and my mind traveled to a memory from when I was ten years old. I had to read out loud to my music class this paper I wrote about some composer. I was trembling so hard I thought the piece of looseleaf paper was going to jump straight out of my hands. My voice was shaking and it seemed that I couldn't get past the words soon enough, I was speaking so rapidly and so softly. I remember my face turned bright red. I kept tucking a strand of hair behind my ear over and over and over. The kids were all laughing at me. This was no normal level of nerves. I was a mess. And this was a regular occurence.

Now instead of ten, I am twenty. And today I sang the National Anthem in front of a huge group of the most important people at the University. AND no one was laughing... intead I was complimented on my poise.

I've come a long way. That's pretty cool.
Sure, with different circumstances, it could have always been this good, and by now I'd be way ahead. But there is no point in regretting things you cannot change, and there is no use in resenting things that have helped shape who you are... for better or for worse.
I'm still working on that.

Change is good, albeit terrifying-- for me, at least. The passage of time is scary... well, basically... the safe choice is not always the ... the most... I don't know.

Saw Lisa Marie play Little Red Riding Hood in Into the Woods tonight. She was the cutest thing I've ever seen.

Damn growing up. It's great. And it sucks.


Thanks all for my birthday this past week. You're wonderful. I am going to miss you guys so so so so so much. Thank you for everything. I would not be who I am if you hadn't all come into my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I don't deserve any of you. Best of luck to all of us on new and unknown endeavors, and may our memories always bring us back to a special year where everything fit perfectly and seemed as though it would last forever despite the fact that nothing will ever be even close to the same. I've grown so accustomed to it that the future will come as a shock. Hold it close... Thank you, God, for opening me up enough to let these beautiful individuals in. I never thought this all possible. I love you.

A simple choice, nothing more.

General confusion often causes us to do very strange and otherwise pointless things.

If it were all a play she would read ahead a few pages. She would watch from the wings the scenes she wasn't in. She would hear all their words and know all the truths. Yesterday would be written down. Tomorrow would be layed out in front of her. They tell her what to say; she deciphers how to behave. But... she can't turn the page and just know. She doesn't know. She doesn't know what or why or how. She tries to figure it out but no one gave her the starting point. She is trapped, frozen in the spotlight and doesn't know which way to enter or exit; where to look... maybe she missed her cue. She'll never really know.

Sometimes I know that any decision is better than no decision at all. "Did it ever occur to you that life isn't about right or wrong choices, but just a bunch of choices?" Don't just stand there... for Christ's sake, just MOVE. SOMEWHERE, anywhere. You know how. Start walking.

It isn't all black or white. Not everything has a straight answer or a straight reason. We already knew that. Perfection is an entirely unrealistic goal. That's not what she's aiming for. Because "good" and "happy" are not the same things as "perfection". "Right" is not the same thing as "good" or "happy". "Words, words, words."

You don't know, you don't understand, not for one second. You think you understand, but you don't. You just analyze everything until it barely even exists.

So I've had a pretty decent few days and I hate to say it's been a long while since that happened. It involves not thinking about the future. Same thing everyone always tells you but I refuse to believe it makes sense. Anyway. I'm still worried about everything but at the moment in denial.

So I tried to get work done this weekend and it didn't happen. I have two papers and quite a bit of character work to do. Plus my room looks like a pigsty. But that's all what today is for? .... Right?....

So we had Breanna's surprise goodbye festivities on Tuesday night. It was fabulous. I heart my crew. Details about that later.

Other than that it was a really rough week but I calmed down a little when the weekend hit. Catching up on sleep probably played a part in that. And it definitely helps that I wasn't as bored as usual. Went to see Liz in the dance workshop twice on Friday, then went out with Liz and Bre afterwards, had a really good time. Yesterday was kind of a lazy day, ran errands with Bre in the afternoon. You'd all be proud, I splurged and bought some uncharacteristic items that... here it comes... were NOT on sale! Whoa there. So that made me happy. Tried to get work done, it didn't happen. Oh well.

Had a good chat with Steph late last night, I don't know what I'm gonna do without her right down the hall!!!! :( I'm going to miss everyone so much. In a way I'm looking forward to getting out of here (who isn't) but I'm scared of what's going to happen to me. Really scared.

So I'm gonna go try and be productive, lazy, whatever... anything to make this day a good one.

To have your whole life, your entire existance up in the air, so to speak... is not a particularly good feeling.

All I ever had was the future. All I ever wished for was the present. Now I feel like I just have nothing.

I'm really in limbo and I don't quite know how to explain it. It's a strange, strange place to be.

I'm frustrated with myself and to be frank, I've been ready for classes to be over for a while now. But I'm torn in two because a huge part of me does not want this year to end, ever. Things will never be the same after this point. Not even close. After all the drama and questioning and tears of these past couple months, I just want to hold onto these next few weeks for as long as I possibly can. And despite the doubts and complaining; the issues and imperfections that are inevitable, I think that without you people I would truly have nothing here. Some of you have really come through for me in different ways during what I'm pretty sure is the lowest point of my entire life, and I may have never realized just how much of a friend I have in you. I don't know what I would have done last week if it hadn't been for Rachel and Stephanie especially. I really don't know. I'm incredibly lucky to have you guys; and of course to have The Group to put a smile on my face! In a sense we are all going our separate ways, whatever that means for each of us, and that makes me terribly sad... but these times we've had are such a blessing to me. I'm going to stop this here; and you can expect another entry or two about this soon, because it ain't over yet, and the best is yet to come! And I am also so lucky I have my family here to take care of me and help me out. No matter what is happening in my life and no matter who is doing wrong by me, they are here for me to escape to. I desperately need the voices of reason and resources of my aunt and uncle, and I love Stephen and Lisa so so so so much and am so so proud of them and I find that lately all I want to do is be around them all the time and not have to think about anything else. I hate thinking about anything else.

So what's my point. That it's bad... but I'm still grateful. Confused, though. Very, very, confused. And this is the hardest thing I've ever done. I mean that. In that respect I still feel very much alone. My life is a big giant question mark and that really sucks. I am at such a loss.

ohhhhhh Uconn.

At least I was in the privacy of my own home throughout this madness.

Unlike that game a couple weeks ago when my crazy next-door neighbor knocked on the door to make sure I wasn't being raped. My poor roommate thinks I'm out of my mind.

Oh well. It's the little things, people. Don't judge.